One of the best things about having a hobby is that it can help you release tensions in a crazy world.  And, I am sure you agree, this has been a crazy making time – yo-yo oil markets, nonstop punditry, the cacophony of contrasting opinions and the specter of a Depression. Almost a lifetime’s worth of stress in a single year.  It’s been fun, hasn’t it?

I must admit that some of the things that I have seen have made me extremely unhappy, and perhaps a bit of a curmudgeon.  Sometimes I’ve shared those opinions in blog postings, but other times they are just great inspirations for songs.  Last week the band I play in, Two Car Living Room, played some of these songs in a gig.  For those of you that weren’t there, I’d thought I’d post a few of them here.  If you are looking for the secrets of raising capital in today’s world, this blog post won’t be of much use to you. But, in the spirit of fun, I thought I would share a few of my songs with you.

Bernie Madoff

I am sure that you’ve watched the events surrounding Madoff’s conviction with some interest.  Without question, he is emblematic of so many of the things that were wrong with our financial markets and regulatory system over the last decade.  Somehow the regulatory principles underlying our securities laws and hedge funds, including the implicit assumption that rich people could make informed investment decisions, went wrong.  Or, are the principles fine, and the people involved responsible for their own mistakes?  One thing has struck me in the aftermath of the Madoff situation – if the investors and their intermediaries had asked any reasonably difficult questions they could have figured the fraud out.  I just don’t think that they wanted to ask the hard questions, as long as they were making money.

Somehow though, this has been obscured in an orgy of self immolation and proclaimed victimhood.  I agree that Bernie Madoff was a criminal abuser of trust.  But, an individual’s inability to manage financial affairs in a responsible way does not make someone a victim.  As I read one article too many about how Bernie ruined lives, it somehow reduced itself into a single phrase “where we you when Bernie made off with your money?”  The song below followed pretty quickly. 

Bernie Made Off With Your Money (© Jonathan Aberman March 1, 2009)

I’m so much the victim it’s hard to believe
How could this happen?  I’m smart and perceive
I know what I’m doing; I’m never mistaken
I must be a victim, I couldn’t be taken.

It was triple AA rated, as sure as they come
I wear a good suit, and I know I’m not dumb
I went to the best schools and got a degree
They gave the tools but didn’t teach me to see

  Chorus   

Where were you when Bernie made off with your money
He seemed such a nice man, the salt of the earth
And now you sit with your head in your hands
Wondering what your house in the Hamptons is worth   

Where were you when Bernie made off with your money
He was making you richer there was never a doubt
So he made off with your money and left you without
And now you want us to bail you out?

So much money up in the ether
Is it gone? Did I lose it?  What’s that text on my beeper?
Yesterday’s bull is tomorrow’s decline
Give me back the profits you said were mine?

When Merlin was living before he was dead
He spent much of his time making gold from lead
But to make nothing from something, while not such a trick
Can give 20% ups when the market is sick.   

Chorus  

Bridge

How am I doing?
                You’re doing great!

Twenty percent more? 
                More in 08!

The market is flying? 
                It will go on!

Hey Bernie where’s my money?
               It’s gone!

  We used to make things, now we just make money
Out of things that we conjure but isn’t it funny.
It all works out great when we are all in the game.
But sooner or later it always ends up the same.

The next time someone tells you it’s a safe bet
The next time they whisper that everything’s set
I hope you remember and that you’ll agree
If you are stupid and dumb don’t come crying to me.

Chorus

And, Then There’s Punditry

Another thing that has been really bugging me has been the ever growing shrillness of punditry in our media. Whether you are on the left or the right, there are friendly talking heads out there to explain the world in a way that is exclusive, simplistic and hateful of contrary opinions.  I see this in so many places right now, and frankly it worries me a great deal.  At the risk of being political – it seems to me that many of the issues facing our society are complex and require sober and careful consideration.  Things are not simple now, whether it’s the economy, energy creation and consumption, food, or the climate, heck, even major sports now have salary cap rules that are so arcane a fan gets a headache.  I’d like to see less posturing for the camera and more seriousness from all sides of our political spectrum. 

One day as I sat transfixed in front of the TV watching a near screaming match on the banking bailouts and the President’s nationality, the song below came to me.  It made me a feel a bit better, and it also gives me a chance to be a pundit also.  Fair revenge perhaps.

Headline Views (© Jonathan Aberman April 1, 2009)  

So many stories, so little time
I’ve got to get myself a better slot time
If it’s hard to reason then it’s unlikely to be
On TV at a time you’ll see

I’ve got a new Facebook; it’s You Tubbey and fun
And when I Twitter my followers come
To hear my own musings on the world and its ills
And it’s clear to me now that celebrity sells

Chorus

Pick it up – don’t drop the little pieces
Mix it up – just keep the story line
Give it up – you don’t know what you’re thinking
My ratings up I’m doing fine

Let me tell you a story about an awkward position
It has all the makings of an epic transition
It mentions a hotel, a pool and pajamas
And best of all he’s a friend of Obama’s

The world is ending tomorrow I can tell you that now
But to fix it or mend it I wouldn’t know how
Solutions to problems are harder to sell
They don’t fit the dogma I speak of so well

Chorus

If What I say echoes with what you say back
When all that we do is pat ourselves on the back
The people we hate are diminished with glee
And my ratings go up and you’re dying to see

I’ve got a big tent and it’s full of the chosen
The others, who needs them – outside they stay frozen
But I’ll make an exception if  you come to agree
That it’s easy to blame the other jerks on TV

Chorus

So, Just Relax

Maybe the best thing to do is just to let it all go – just flow with the river of life.  At least that’s what I was thinking when I wrote the song “Relax Like Me”. Of course, if you know me you’ll know that I have a keenly developed sense of self-irony.  The last thing I am capable of doing is relaxing and letting things just happen.  Still, the song is a good reminder for me when I am feeling a bit stressed, or at least in the mood to laugh at myself a bit. 

Relax Like Me (© Jonathan Aberman April 1, 2009)

You’ve got a headache that would stop a rhino in its tracks like a shotgun
Your ears are ringing so loud you can’t hear the phone
You just hung up the telephone by seeing whether plastic would break on a desk top
Your throat is throbbing like a gobbling turkey would speak

Chorus

You run so fast you wear out your Nikes
It’s not so easy to fix an anxious psyche
You’ve got to learn to relax like me

You breath in and out like a bellows of a steam train
The train is coming you’d better get off of those tracks
You’re an express train going somewhere
If you remember to get there at all

Chorus

I'll get back to more serious matters now.  I hope you enjoyed this interlude.  Enjoy the rest of your summer.